Our wedding was the most incredible day EVER. Now what?
Glen and I steal a moment alone under the dock on our wedding day. Photo by Brad Smith Photography.
By Molly O’Brien
Hi there. You haven’t heard from me in a while. Sorry about that! I’ve been okay. Here and there. I got married. That was fun.
Ok, yeah, it was great! FANTASTIC! AMAZING! BRILLIANT! SPECTACULAR!
And then it was over.
I’m supposed to write a blog about my actual wedding. I will, but I had to do this part first. I had to get some feelings out.
I’ve been having a really hard time dealing with the fact that my wedding is over. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving every single minute of being a married woman — married life is great. The post-wedding blues, not so much.
Glen is feeling it, too. We’ve been distracting ourselves as much as we can. Putting things off. Not doing grown-up things. I mean, my wedding dress is still in the living room.
There is all of this build up to your wedding. You work so hard for so long and then it’s just over. That’s it. Bye.
I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness, guilt and regret. I’m so happy, but so sad at the same time. I’m happy it happened. I’m sad it’s over.
You see, I don’t feel like I deserved any of it. It was a magical, mystical, extraordinary day. It was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. It went so well. The weather was perfect. The company was perfect. Our venue and the people who made it all happen were absolutely perfect. Everything came together. It was too good to be true. Sure, there were some kinks, but they were minor.
Because I was treated so well, I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and I have no idea how to face it. I don’t feel like I deserve/deserved any of it. I’m still trying to process it all, and while I do that, I’m pretty much avoiding it. In turn that makes me feel worse. Vicious cycle, right?
Let me start off by telling you about my family. I can’t. Because they are amazing. It’s too much.
My friends smothered me with love. I’m embarrassed that I overindulged in friendship. While they threw everything at me, I’m sad I didn’t soak it up more. I didn’t soak it up enough, and now it’s over.
I cry thinking about it because if anyone knew how good my friends and family made me feel — if anyone could ever imagine how loved I felt — your head would explode. I actually think my head did.
I had so much on my mind, so much to do for the wedding, I was very happy to have everyone there, but I don’t think my expressions and emotions showed as much as I would have liked. I did my best to be emotional and show people I cared, but it’s a wedding. You still have to get stuff done.
I’ve cried so many times thinking about what my family and my friends did for us. All they have done over the years and all they did for me during my wedding. My maid of honor, Tiffany, is the biggest rock star of all time. Good heavens! She was six months pregnant and she kicked tail the whole weekend. I don’t know how she did it. She deserves a gold medal.
The gracious people at the Carnegie Abbey. I CANNOT thank them enough for everything. They are the kindest and most caring people. They planned, coordinated and worked with us every step of the way. They became our friends. They did more than host our wedding. A thank you will never be enough. And you know what? I still haven’t said thank you. I haven’t even emailed them a thank you, no call, no letter, nothing. I’m awful.
No thank you to my seamstress or my hairstylists. Nothing to my fantastic photographer. I haven’t done anything. What is wrong with me?!
All the people who supported me along the way, I’m so grateful for them. Yet I have disappeared. Because I can’t look them in the face yet. I’m sad. I’m scared because if I say thank you then it’s really over. Is that why? I’m not sure. Maybe writing this will give me a kick in the pants. That’s what I’m hoping.
This is a note of advice for anyone out there who is having a wedding, or a party with loved ones. Enjoy it. Try not to stress (too much). Have fun. Even if it’s just your cousin’s birthday party, you never know when — or if! — all of those people you love will ever be in the same room together ever again. It may seem overwhelming. It may seem annoying. It is.
Just remember to breath. Especially on your wedding day. Breath it in. Soak it up. Take it in. Bask in the glory that is yours. You worked for it. You paid for it. You earned it.
When it’s over, that’s it. It’s over.
I did take those moments, and I relive them. I’m so glad I did. I’m adjusting to the fact I don’t get to have them again. Right now, I’m learning to be happy I had them. I’m hoping I won’t forget them.
I did my best to embrace what I could, I did my best. I’ll always second guess myself. Did I do this right? Could I have done that better? I know I could have.
In the end I love my husband, my friends, my family and all of the people who helped make it happen…now I should probably tell them thank you!